Days When Bending Means Not Breaking

I find myself in a strange state of mind. I definitely feel the pressure and the stress of my job, but I don't feel like I am stuffing my emotions either. In short, I feel peace despite all the demands on my time and the little darts being thrown at my spirit. I have cried several times, but it is such a different experience when not coupled with depression. I know this is a strange beginning to a post about teaching Junior High students, but I always seem to be comparing this experience to my last one. And before my last year in China, my depression heightened every negative emotion and took my tiredness and magnified it by one hundred. I can truly attest my freedom from depression to Jesus, who took it from me when I gave it to Him as others prayed with me.

Which reminds me that I have been wanting to set up a prayer time with my co-workers, however short, just to help us all have our spiritual armor oiled and polished and ready for all the attacks of the day. Today would have been a great day for it. I drank caffeinated tea late last night and couldn't fall asleep despite feeling exhausted. So I stayed up to finish a couple work items that I had planned to do just before school started. I ran on about 4.5 hours of sleep and was thankful that my prayer had been answered for the need to feel rested despite a lack of sleep.

During my prep period, I got an email saying that the bells were on the wrong schedule and to follow our chapel schedule despite the sound of the bells. Meanwhile, I focused on trying to create the perfect seating chart for my ADHD class, forgetting all about the scheduled fire drill during that class. Break came and went, and the two students I gave break detention to never showed up. I found out later that they didn't even really have a break because the schedule was so messed up. So I rescheduled it. My most difficult class came; I used my new seating chart to try and force order. And we were in the middle of a quiz, almost finally focused, and the fire alarm sounded LOUDLY. I had forgotten, so I never warned them... 15 minutes later we were trying to settle back into class, and I was moving students around again, trying to regain the focus destroyed by that obnoxiously loud alarm.

I am reminded constantly that this job is not about the perfect plan or schedule or even lesson. It is about having a goal and managing all the obstacles on your way to getting to it. I am thankful for grace. And I am thankful to be able to freely give it.