Week 1

I had fully intended to give a "blow by blow" of my first days, but they are in such a muddle in my head intermixed with the 5 Jacobs (3 or so who go by Jake), a Jack, a Jackson (who is really Chinese) and at least one Joshua (who goes by Josh) that I am not sure I could even tell you what happened yesterday.

I do remember that on Day 3 after trying to maintain control of my largest class, which is scheduled right after lunch, and enduring a completely structureless (my fault) and gossip filled (not my fault) yearbook class (by some of my 13-year-olds-who-think-they-are-18), that I had more than one thought of quitting. I really didn't see how it was worth it. at. all. In a word, I felt defeated. You try not to have expectations as you're setting up your classroom and imagining what the students will be like. You try to remember that there will be certain students who would much rather sit around and gossip than learn anything else in life. But you forget. And then they descend on your classroom like tornadoes and spin you and all your former sweet dreams around and around until both are battered and bruised or broken.

There are always redeeming moments, however. On Day 3, while I was heading home with the weight of the week, faces of punk students and thoughts of quitting in my mind, I heard "And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?" playing on the radio, and my insides welled up and spilled over into tears. I couldn't stop them. Every battle in the classroom is His. Every victory is because of Him, and I can stand on that promise and not let all the distractions and stresses run me over or wear me out.

By Friday I had given out my first informal detention. I say informal because I didn't contact the parents and only kept the student in my classroom for about ten minutes during lunch. He isn't a punk kid - he's just a kid who likes people and likes to talk. I don't know if this will really effect our classroom dynamics on Monday, but when I don't have break or lunch duty I usually sit in my classroom and work, so there is little loss on my part to give out more detentions.

Meanwhile, I am still learning a lot about teaching, how to manage my classes, how the system works at the school, and how to love my students. Regardless, I am grateful for the weekend.